Counting Down

I just want to start this entry off with, OH MY GOSH I AM ABOUT TO HAVE THIS BABY! If I told anyone how much I weighed at this point, I think they’d re-consider their friendship with me. No, I’m only kidding, about the friendship of course, I am indeed HUGE. This week has been a bit of a whirlwind for me. Emotions are rolling, as always, and I am extremely anxious about a number of things. As of now I am considered “full term”, which means I have reached “the end” of my pregnancy, and my baby is fully developed-at a whopping seven and a half pounds as of last Wednesday. My next, and second to last, doctor’s appointment is this coming Wednesday, February 3rd, I am hoping and praying that Dr. Seeker will give me good news, like that I’ve dilated completely and he wants to send me over to the hospital ASAP. I like to dream big. Although, at that point I would only be ten days away from my due date, February 13th, it could definitely happen. In the delivery room, along with my mom, and Jennifer, I will have a midwife who will also be coaching me, her name is Ashlie, and she will assist me in breathing, she can tell nurse when then appropriate time to distribute medicine is, if I take that route, and can help with comfortable positions during labor. She is also a licensed massage therapist and knows so much about the human body. She has worked on many pregnant women, and uses a natural method to help induce labor, called Acupressure. She will be working certain pressure points on my feet, hands, and back that can trigger contractions, and help my cervix to dilate. I am SO thrilled about this, because she has informed me that each time she has performed the massage, the mother has gone into labor within a matter of 48 hours. I did my research, and talked with my doctor, and it is all completely safe and actually encouraged at this point. So, I will be visiting with her tomorrow night, and she will do the first Acupressure Massage on me. She said if I don’t feel anything by Wednesday of this week, we will try again that night. Fingers crossed yall! I am ready to meet this baby!

Yesterday, I got to visit with a friend who just had her baby last Monday, she had a sweet little boy. I walked in and the two of them greeted me at the door with a big smile and a hug. I know she was exhausted, but she was still glowing, she looked so happy and content. I was worried that I was going to be too emotional to be over there and around them, but as soon as she placed him in my arms, I felt ready. I was anxious at first, but then I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. He was so peaceful just sleeping in my arms. I sat there with her and her mom, as we talked about her labor process, and all of the many things she is going through now-I probably asked them both a million questions. They are so blessed, and I am so happy for her and her new family. It’s comforting to see someone going through the same thing I am. I’m really lucky to have known her during this fragile time in both of our lives.

Tonight, I packed my bags for the hospital-one for him, and one for me. His grandma, “Chella”, bought him a sweet outfit for him to come home in. I can’t wait to see him in it! I packed some infant diapers, swaddling blankets, and some things needed for breast feeding. I’m so excited, any day now!

On a different note, things with A are not too peachy. We are both having difficulties agreeing on a name for the baby. He feels very strong about the baby having his last name, and I have no desire for him to have that. We are not together, and are not planning on being together, ever, so I see no reason for me to give him his last name. Also, I love my last name, Puryear. Not only is it a historical Texas name, but it’s something that my son will always have. I also agreed a while back on letting him pick one of the middle names for the baby, and later changed my mind once I realized that he was going to call him that for his first name. It’s difficult for me because the name I give my son is of course, the name I want him to go by, not something different. I also think it would be confusing for him as a child. I know, I get it, he should have a role in the name process, and I understand that, but doesn’t the woman always get to choose the name in the end? I don’t know what to do about all of that, I’m hoping it will all work itself out.

The other major issue these days is the topic of child support. I originally wanted to come to an agreement, in a friendly and peaceful manner. This of course, is not how it went over. We are both stubborn-I am an emotional wreck, he’s scared out of his mind, and clueless, it’s just all a little messy right now. I have never gone through this before, and my direction is a little off. I am trying so hard to take our past out of the picture, and to leave all emotions at the back door; much easier said than done. Luckily, I have caring and intelligent people in my life who want to help me, but I am still having a hard time understanding and dealing with this process. A doesn’t want to support the child, or be in the child’s life if I don’t give him either his last name, or the middle name that he wishes. This to me is completely ridiculous. No matter what the baby’s name is, he should love and care for him. Not to mention that it is the law to provide child support. I feel that since I have been the sole proprietor of this baby from day one, and will be the one to raise him, I should have the right to name him. When I take him to school, they are going to call me Ms. Puryear and my son something different? No, I don’t think so.

To make matters worse, he is threatening to get a lawyer, and try and not pay me any child support, whatsoever. After I sent him amicable email with a reasonable budget for the baby, he called and lost it-telling me that he wants nothing to do with the baby, and not to contact him or his family when he’s born. He said many other hurtful things that I can’t even being to tell you. I know he was mainly upset about the name ordeal, and is immature in general right now, but it’s a lot for me to take in, and I really am having a hard time knowing how to handle him. All I know is that I have to find a way to make this baby have the best life there is, and I’m doing everything in my power right now to make that happen. I know God has a special plan for all of this, and I’m trusting in him, and trying to be strong. I just feel overwhelmed. I don’t want this stress to be on the baby, which seriously worries me, so I try to not think about it. I know once he gets here, things will fall into place, and I know I’m a lot better off than most single mothers, I need to try and just look to the future and try and see all the good through all the bad. Stay positive, that’s all I can do.

Hopefully we will have a sweet baby boy this week, if not, definitely next week! Wish me luck, Lord knows I need it.

XO

Houston