A Promising Year

It is January 1st, 2010, a sunny day here in Austin, Texas. I am sitting in my bed, listening to John Mayer’s newest album Battle Studies. As I sit here, I begin to think about all of the events that took place in 2009, and am realizing how lucky I am. First, I landed my dream job working for Bobbi Brown in Soho, NY. I worked with an incredible group of people, who kept me going everyday. I had a beautiful friendship with one of my very best friends, Lindsey, who was my rock and lifeline. I got pregnant in May 2009, and have grown into a whole new person, since then. I recently moved back to my home state, Texas, to have my baby, and start my new life. I am learning a lot about who I am, and what it means to be a mother, just by waiting. A far cry from the last entry I wrote, I feel strong and confident, like I am ready to have this baby today, and take on this new adventure. Emotions are so powerful, I have to tell myself “mind over matter” in times like those, and hold my head high.

I remind myself how extraordinary my situation is, and how its really not as bad as it sometimes seems. My little boy is healthy, and growing at an outstanding rate, right now he’s two weeks bigger than he should be. We chalk that up to Daddy, who is a substantial 6 foot 7. I am learning how fortunate I am to have him these days. He has been involved since I stepped foot back on Southern ground. He calls and texts daily, always asking, “How are you feeling?” Personal and sincere. He took me to my last doctors appointment, and it went smoother than I predicted. I was pacing the floor, checking my phone every two seconds to see if he was outside. When he arrived, I walked outside, sweating and breathless; he greeted me with a big hug. This was the first time he’d seen me since we were together in New York. Remember, I am eight months pregnant, cant even see my feet. He smiled and told me how beautiful I looked, I was relived. We got into the car and drove to the doctor. There was no tension in the air, it was peaceful and comforting. When we arrived, he opened my car door, unexpected. We sat in the waiting room, he was quiet at first, and rubbed my belly periodically. He told me how he really wants to work this out, and be here for me and the baby. He repeatedly said how excited he was for his arrival. I was quiet, and let him do most of the talking. Once we got into the exam room, he came over next to me, and listened while the nurse checked for the baby’s heartbeat. I looked up at him and said, “You hear it?” He just nodded. Dr. Seeker walked into the room, and a new form of energy entered with him. He was smiling and happy to see me, like always. He then went right up to A and said, “Welcome A, we are so glad you’re here!” came over to me, hugged me, and sat down next to me. Talked to us about the baby’s rapid growth rate, told us things were going smoothly, and then we got to the ultra sound. A was standing next to me, eyes wide open, still silent. There he was, bigger and more beautiful than the last time, squirming and rolling around inside of me. We got to see his feet close up, they are the cutest little things you have ever seen. I looked over at A and his eyes were misty. I then of course wanted to ball, but kept my composure. Dr. Seeker informed us that since baby is so big, they are going to start monitoring his growth and, checking my cervix every two weeks until my due date, to be sure that I can do this naturally. We finished up at the appointment, and got back into the car. He again shared his excitement with me, and reached over for me hand, and said, “We can do this.” I wanted to shout out to the world, THANK GOD! Instead, I smiled, and looked out the window. Since then I have talked to A just about every day, like I mentioned before, he calls to check on us religiously.

I remember when we walked into the doctor’s office, how I felt walking in with A, and my pregnant belly popping out, I wondered if people looked at us and thought, “what a beautiful couple”, I was hoping yes. I felt complete, and happy, even though we aren’t together and have no plans of this, it still felt good to have him by my side. Finally.

I am looking forward to an exciting year in 2010, full of love and joy…