Babies are always more trouble than you thought, and more wonderful than you ever dreamed. - Charles Osgood

Wow it’s been a long time since I’ve been here…Looking at Pearson this morning, I realized I really need to get back into recording his life. He’ll be five months old on July 9th, this is a scary thought for mama. I feel like just weeks ago we were at the hospital waiting for him to arrive. Now he’s here, we’re settled in a routine, and oh how things have changed…for us all.

Pearson is the absolute light of my life. There has never, in the twenty-three years of me living, been something so incredible, something so delicate and precious, as my son. I look at him and all I see is purity. He is so many wonderful things, I could go on forever, and I will.

I have learned so many things about being a mother, about having patience, lots of patience. I have learned the meaning of true unconditional love. I have learned that you are always stronger than you may think. I have learned to never give up, to fight for what you believe in, persevere, and to always follow your heart.

I know, I’m incredibly emotional….I’m a woman, a mother, it’s just in my nature.

I really do have a happy, healthy, and genious of a baby. In the past 4 ½ months he has developed his own little personality. He loves attention, as most babies do, but this little one, REALLY loves attention. He loves to be sung to, and lately has really been enjoying the game of peek-a-boo. Now, he wants to put everything in his reach, into his mouth. He’s beginning to droll, excessively, according to the books, he should be getting ready for some teeth! This terrifies and excites me. Honestly, it’s bittersweet, I love to see him grow, and on the other hand I wish he wouldn’t! Giving his clothes away, like his teeny tiny onesies that fit him when he was barely 7lbs, was extremely hard for me. I’m obsessed with this guy, like, beyond. It’s ok, because he feels the same way about me. We’re a team, and right now-on the same page. The thought of him growing into a teenage boy terrifies me. Anyways….

I can’t believe I’ve gotten this far and left out the fact that he is already 20 pounds. Yes, you read that right. My arms could be compared to one of the Williams sisters at this point. This kid is HEAVY! I love it though, nothing better than a fat little chunky ball of love. I call him my little (pronounced lee-tle) ball of sugar. He makes the funniest noises, we have our own language that we speak to each other. Sometimes I even find myself talking it to one of the dogs. He wants to talk so bad, I have a feeling it will come earlier than most-like I said, he’s advanced.

He loves loves loves his baths, just like his mama. Last night, I put him in there, he laid down, and literally within minutes he was out. It was the sweetest thing. Usually, he kicks, and squeals, and splashes around, he would play in there for hours if he could. He’s an Aquarius!

His smile is honestly what keeps me going sometimes, even when I’ve worked all day, I’m exhausted from the night before of him keeping me up, I’ve got baby vomit in one piece of my hair, and the other he’s ripped out and gripping in his hand, I can’t help but smile back and tell him how much I love him. Being a mother is challenging, but its also the most rewarding job on earth. I feel so lucky, so blessed to have Pearson in my life. I am so fortunate to have the family and friends that I have, who love and support us more than I could
have ever asked for.

Lot’s more stories to share! Stay tuned..

Motherhood and so much more..

It’s weird, it’s like you want to start using all of your knowledge of parenting right away, but you can't, each day, week, and month, is completely different. Right now, I am trying to teach him to be on a schedule, and quite frankly it’s more discipline being the parent. My natural instinct is to feed him when he cries, I'm trying to break that habit and really learn what is making him upset. He typically eats every two to three hours, and during the day he takes about two long naps. At night, he has gotten much better, we usually wake up three times before 6 am-to eat and fall back to sleep. Again, discipline from me, waking up is hard to do when your last full night of sleep (8 hours), was two months ago.

I find myself wanting him to grow faster, so that I can teach him things, and hear him call me mama, and even more so, hear him tell me that he loves me. I know, I hear it every day, multiple times a day, "They grow up so fast, cherish these moments!" Believe me, I am. If you know me, you will know that I am a bit obsessive with taking pictures. Every second of my Childs life has been and will be documented. I've been blinding him with flashes from the moment he was born.

I think about how drastically different my life is now. I have a seven week old child that completely depends on me. Once you have your child, there is no "you" anymore, from day one he has come first, and I’m finding out that’s how it always will be. You're hungry? Too bad. He's hungrier. You have to pee? Hold it sister, his diaper is exploding. Then he starts to cry for food, and then the phone rings-it’s the pediatrician calling to confirm his appointment. So you finally sit down to maybe relax, he's in his swing, smiling and cooing at his mobile, you go down to get yourself a QUICK snack, maybe some crackers and a Diet Coke, but the moment you reach your hand in for a bite, every time without fail, he screams. He's hungry again. Or maybe not? Maybe he's tired of being in the swing, and wants to be held. Stick a passie in his mouth and pat his back until he goes back to sleep. Pfew, ok that worked he stopped crying. So you lay him down in his crib, while setting him down you notice you probably could use a shower. Sixty seconds later, you’re clean. Jump out, check on baby, and sprint back to bathroom. It’s a miracle! Your hair is washed and blow dried, mascara is on (one eye), and you maybe had time to rub on some deodorant, all in 15 minutes. He wakes up and this time is for sure hungry, while giving him the bottle, your back is aching from sitting up/ standing up/crouching down/moving in positions you never thought your body could, you look down at that little face and all you see is pure joy. He's happy as can be; he with his mama, clean diaper, clean clothes, and has his bottle. Pick him up; put him over your shoulder, a few pats on the back to burp, and BAM projectile vomit right into your freshly washed hair. Warm milk trickles down your neck and shoulders, yet you still don't seem to care. No matter what he does, you love him. I sometimes go in and out of reality, I’ll be driving down the road with the windows rolled down, music up loud, and look back on my old life, how easy it was, and again, I thought it was so hard. I was completely free, did whatever I wanted whenever I wanted, and sometimes yes, I do miss it. However, there is nothing in this world that compares to the feeling of having a child. When he lifts his little head up and gives me a big grin, I am instantly cured. I know that once I start working, get my own place, and start having a social life again, I will feel a little more normal.

I am looking at the clock now; Pearson has been asleep for 20 minutes. Its 6AM, and he just took a bottle. I should be sleeping. I start to think back to the day I went into labor with him, how excited and nervous I was. I remember it was a little past 12 that afternoon, February 8, 2010, and I was walking into my mom’s room to grab something, when all of a sudden I felt a gush of warm fluid running down my leg, I thought for a second, did I just wet myself? No no no, this was it, the moment I had been so anxiously awaiting, my water had finally broken! I ran into the kitchen, pants at my ankles, fluid following me each step I took, and called my mom’s name. “MOM GET IN HERE! MY WATER! IT BROKE!” She called the hospital, told them I wasn’t having contractions or any type of pain, they told us as long as I came in that day, I’d be fine. So, I got in the shower, shaved my legs, and washed my hair. My mom was making calls, and loading the car up. I got dressed, did my hair and makeup, and we were on our way. I looked in the back and noticed the empty car seat, “This is it!” I thought to myself. Once we got on the toll road, I notice the speedometer, we were doing 100. Again, I wasn’t in any pain, the only discomfort I was experiencing was the Amniotic Fluid that kept leaking from me! We pulled up, and walked into Dr. Seeker’s office. They checked me out, I was only 1 CM dilated, and 70% effaced-In other words, a long very way to go.

They sent me up to Labor & Delivery; the room was gorgeous, very home-y feeling. I unpacked all of my things, and got into my hospital gown. A slew of nurses came in and met me. A few hours passed, still no contractions. I was comfortable, and laughing, no pain at all. Friends and family came in to see me, Honor and I walked the halls of L&D as fast as we could in hopes of bringing on some contractions, but had no luck. Alex and Chelsea arrived; we all sat and talked, watched The Bachelor, and trashed talked Vienna. I kept waiting for pain, and I had none!

At about ten o’ clock, I started getting hungry-that morning at eleven I made myself a spinach and egg white omelet. I asked the nurse for food, she said I could have Jell-O or anything clear. Ummm, super. Jell-O? Clear liquids? Great. I needed energy to push this baby out, how was this going to work? Dr. Seeker came in and told me that if my contractions didn’t pick up, they were going to have to induce labor. By midnight I still was at a 1, so the nurse came in and said it was time to induce me. They shot me up with Pitocin, which induces labor and increases the strength and duration of the contractions. They started me on a low dose; I remember feeling like it was never going to happen, like the baby was just going to stay inside of me forever. Four hours later, they came in and asked me what my pain was on a scale of one to ten, one being nothing and ten feeling like someone is ripping your arm off. “Well, I definitely don’t feel like anyone is ripping my arm off, if I am calmly answering this question, um I guess my pain is at a two?” Frustrated, and tired, but unable to sleep, I patiently awaited what I was told to be the most excruciating pain of my life.

Well at about 4AM my pain went from a 2 to a 10 instantly. Imagine someone taking a sharp knife and stabbing you over and over again in your stomach for ninety seconds non-stop. That’s what I was feeling. At first I thought, I can do this, no problem, it hurts but I’m tough….NO NO NO, From 4 AM to 9 AM I was in what they call the Hard Labor Stage. When I tell you I thought I was going to die, I mean it. The problem with Pitocin is that it makes your contractions as strong as they can be, and as painful as they can be. Misery. I somehow stayed calm; I closed my eyes and breathed through each one. At one point the pain made me sick, and I started vomiting. I didn’t think I was going to survive. My birthing coach Ashlie, mom’s Jame’ & Jennifer, and A’s mom Jackie were all in there with me. They were telling me what I great job I was doing, and telling me to breathe, and that I was going to be ok. I tried to stay positive, and kept thinking to myself-“He’s coming, it’s all going to be so worth it, just keep doing what you’re doing, you can do this!”

After a long night of unbearable pain, no sleep, no food-just ice chips and Pitocin, I was on my last leg. Dr. Seeker came into the room, I was gripping onto the hospital bed, my eyes were closed, I smelled his cologne and heard him say “Knock Knock?” He came over to my bed and greeted me with a smile and said “We’re having a baby today!” (Secretly I wished I was having your baby Dr. Seeker-but let’s not get ahead of ourselves) He told me that if I was ready and wanted to, that he could go ahead and order the epidural for me. “YES. ORDER IT.” I firmly answered. He said it would be ready in about fifteen minutes. (Keep in mind, I’m still having extremely painful contractions every two minutes) TWO HOURS later, the Anesthesiologist finally arrives with the epidural. I was ready to kill someone. At this point it was just me and Jennifer in the room, they asked me to curl up tightly over my pregnant abdomen, as they injected the 5 inch needle into my spine. Literally less than five minutes later, I was a different woman, numb from the waist down-I was back to smiling and talking with everyone. At about 11 AM they came in and checked my cervix to see if I had made any progress. FINALLY! I was 7 cm dilated and 90% effaced. A few more hours and I would have my son in my arms. I wasn’t in anymore pain, and I couldn’t feel my legs. The labor had gone on so long, that I started having convulsions from the drugs, even though I wasn’t hurting, the convulsions were almost as bad as the pain I was in before the epidural.

Two hours later, it was just me and my mom in the room; I was lying on my side talking to her as she was watching my contractions take place on the monitor. She’d say here comes a big one, I felt NOTHING. Suddenly the monitors started beeping, and a random nurse who I’d never seen before came rushing in, she flipped me on my back, and threw an oxygen mask on my face-not explaining anything to me, just yelling the word “FAILURE” as she was calling for back up. I looked at my mom and her face was a white as a ghost, I was panicking, and tears were slowly rolling out of my eyes. WHAT is happening?! The baby’s heart rate went down, and didn’t come back up for a long time….I was unaware of this, I just kept hearing that crazy nurse screaming “FAILURE FAILURE!” Terrified and confused, I thought I was losing him, I couldn’t feel my body, and couldn’t figure out if I was dreaming or imagining this. Finally it came back up, and everything was fine.

After that, they came in and checked me one last time, I had gone from a 7 to a 10 in 30 minutes, and I was 100% effaced. My nurse paged my doctor, and a loud message went on the speakers throughout L&D, “Paging Dr. Stork, Dr. Stork to room 208.” (This is a hospital call to the doctor when you’re ready to start pushing) My team of coaches all grabbed my legs and I started pushing when they told me to. I literally felt nothing, they would say, “OK here we go, a big contraction is coming on!” I just told myself to push as hard as physically possible. My convulsions were out of control, I was dizzy, and extremely exhausted. I did this for about 20 minutes, and once Dr. Seeker arrived, I gave him five more pushes and out came my little miracle. Everyone said, “What’s his name?!” I softly said Pearson with a smile, and heard an “awww “from the grandmas. I felt a rush of excitement throughout my body, and then they placed his squirmy little body on my chest, I kissed him immediately and told him, “Hi!” I was in love. I kept looking at him thinking, no way this isn’t my baby, I didn’t just do this. They cleaned him up, swaddled him tightly in his dinosaur print receiving blanket, and set him under the heat lamp. The first person to see him after me and the grandma’s was his daddy. He walked in and looked at me, smiled, and went right over to P. He picked him up and said over and over again, “He’s beautiful.”

25 hours of labor, and two weeks later...

Those first few weeks with P were the most difficult. I seriously did not sleep more than thirty minutes a day.. I was beyond exhausted, very emotional, scared, and happy all at the same time. He was so skinny and fragile; I made my mom change his diapers for the longest time because I was scared I was going to hurt him. My milk hadn’t come in yet and I was constantly feeding him. Seriously, there was never a time during the day/night where I wasn’t breastfeeding. It was breaking my heart and stressing me out because he was always screaming, and I knew something was wrong. I finally called his pediatrician and explained what was happening, and asked what kind of formula they recommended, and went out immediately and bought some. Our lives were never the same after that day. He blew up! Gained weight and was finally satisfied after feedings.

Now our days are still long, and are never easy, but he is worth every bit of sweat and tears I’ve had in the past eleven months.

Before I got pregnant, and I thought about motherhood, I always pictured it being a breeze, I pictured it coming so natural to me, little did I know…

Updates

As of today, I have 7 days until my due date.

My last appointment (2/3/10) I was 1cm dilated, and 50% effaced, this is good news, I’m making progress!

I have one more appointment, this coming Wednesday. Hoping for 7cm dilation, and to be 100% effaced!

 Things I’ve learned in the last nine months:

• Google has changed my life
• Never complain about back pain (or anything for that matter) until you have a seven pound human growing inside of you
• A baby changes everything
• God, family, and friends are the three most important things in my life
• I will always take pre natal vitamins
• Birthing coaches: doubted them before, now: will always recommend
• Two words: hot baths
• Positive thinking can get you very far in life
• Dr. Seeker is a true gift from God
• Before entering Babies R US: take Tylenol
• Have patience

 Also, please know that someone WILL inform you if I am going into labor. There is a call list.

Counting Down

I just want to start this entry off with, OH MY GOSH I AM ABOUT TO HAVE THIS BABY! If I told anyone how much I weighed at this point, I think they’d re-consider their friendship with me. No, I’m only kidding, about the friendship of course, I am indeed HUGE. This week has been a bit of a whirlwind for me. Emotions are rolling, as always, and I am extremely anxious about a number of things. As of now I am considered “full term”, which means I have reached “the end” of my pregnancy, and my baby is fully developed-at a whopping seven and a half pounds as of last Wednesday. My next, and second to last, doctor’s appointment is this coming Wednesday, February 3rd, I am hoping and praying that Dr. Seeker will give me good news, like that I’ve dilated completely and he wants to send me over to the hospital ASAP. I like to dream big. Although, at that point I would only be ten days away from my due date, February 13th, it could definitely happen. In the delivery room, along with my mom, and Jennifer, I will have a midwife who will also be coaching me, her name is Ashlie, and she will assist me in breathing, she can tell nurse when then appropriate time to distribute medicine is, if I take that route, and can help with comfortable positions during labor. She is also a licensed massage therapist and knows so much about the human body. She has worked on many pregnant women, and uses a natural method to help induce labor, called Acupressure. She will be working certain pressure points on my feet, hands, and back that can trigger contractions, and help my cervix to dilate. I am SO thrilled about this, because she has informed me that each time she has performed the massage, the mother has gone into labor within a matter of 48 hours. I did my research, and talked with my doctor, and it is all completely safe and actually encouraged at this point. So, I will be visiting with her tomorrow night, and she will do the first Acupressure Massage on me. She said if I don’t feel anything by Wednesday of this week, we will try again that night. Fingers crossed yall! I am ready to meet this baby!

Yesterday, I got to visit with a friend who just had her baby last Monday, she had a sweet little boy. I walked in and the two of them greeted me at the door with a big smile and a hug. I know she was exhausted, but she was still glowing, she looked so happy and content. I was worried that I was going to be too emotional to be over there and around them, but as soon as she placed him in my arms, I felt ready. I was anxious at first, but then I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. He was so peaceful just sleeping in my arms. I sat there with her and her mom, as we talked about her labor process, and all of the many things she is going through now-I probably asked them both a million questions. They are so blessed, and I am so happy for her and her new family. It’s comforting to see someone going through the same thing I am. I’m really lucky to have known her during this fragile time in both of our lives.

Tonight, I packed my bags for the hospital-one for him, and one for me. His grandma, “Chella”, bought him a sweet outfit for him to come home in. I can’t wait to see him in it! I packed some infant diapers, swaddling blankets, and some things needed for breast feeding. I’m so excited, any day now!

On a different note, things with A are not too peachy. We are both having difficulties agreeing on a name for the baby. He feels very strong about the baby having his last name, and I have no desire for him to have that. We are not together, and are not planning on being together, ever, so I see no reason for me to give him his last name. Also, I love my last name, Puryear. Not only is it a historical Texas name, but it’s something that my son will always have. I also agreed a while back on letting him pick one of the middle names for the baby, and later changed my mind once I realized that he was going to call him that for his first name. It’s difficult for me because the name I give my son is of course, the name I want him to go by, not something different. I also think it would be confusing for him as a child. I know, I get it, he should have a role in the name process, and I understand that, but doesn’t the woman always get to choose the name in the end? I don’t know what to do about all of that, I’m hoping it will all work itself out.

The other major issue these days is the topic of child support. I originally wanted to come to an agreement, in a friendly and peaceful manner. This of course, is not how it went over. We are both stubborn-I am an emotional wreck, he’s scared out of his mind, and clueless, it’s just all a little messy right now. I have never gone through this before, and my direction is a little off. I am trying so hard to take our past out of the picture, and to leave all emotions at the back door; much easier said than done. Luckily, I have caring and intelligent people in my life who want to help me, but I am still having a hard time understanding and dealing with this process. A doesn’t want to support the child, or be in the child’s life if I don’t give him either his last name, or the middle name that he wishes. This to me is completely ridiculous. No matter what the baby’s name is, he should love and care for him. Not to mention that it is the law to provide child support. I feel that since I have been the sole proprietor of this baby from day one, and will be the one to raise him, I should have the right to name him. When I take him to school, they are going to call me Ms. Puryear and my son something different? No, I don’t think so.

To make matters worse, he is threatening to get a lawyer, and try and not pay me any child support, whatsoever. After I sent him amicable email with a reasonable budget for the baby, he called and lost it-telling me that he wants nothing to do with the baby, and not to contact him or his family when he’s born. He said many other hurtful things that I can’t even being to tell you. I know he was mainly upset about the name ordeal, and is immature in general right now, but it’s a lot for me to take in, and I really am having a hard time knowing how to handle him. All I know is that I have to find a way to make this baby have the best life there is, and I’m doing everything in my power right now to make that happen. I know God has a special plan for all of this, and I’m trusting in him, and trying to be strong. I just feel overwhelmed. I don’t want this stress to be on the baby, which seriously worries me, so I try to not think about it. I know once he gets here, things will fall into place, and I know I’m a lot better off than most single mothers, I need to try and just look to the future and try and see all the good through all the bad. Stay positive, that’s all I can do.

Hopefully we will have a sweet baby boy this week, if not, definitely next week! Wish me luck, Lord knows I need it.

XO

Houston

It's Almost Time!

With less than a month to go in this, what feels like two year process, I must say I am more than ready. From the excruciating pain in my lower back, the random sharp pains I get shooting down my legs, and the jabs to my ribcage from Mr. Long-legs in there, this has been one big rollercoaster ride. Everyone keeps telling me, just wait until he’s born, it’s a whole other ball field. Thanks people, I get it! Sympathize with me for a moment, you don’t have a six pound baby growing inside of you! Anyways, nothing worth having comes easy, right?

Tomorrow I go in for my last “major” appointment. They are going to check on the baby’s weight, growth, and on my cervix to make sure I’m not dilating. A is driving in from Houston to take me, and we have plans for lunch after. I told him I wanted us to get together in a setting where it is more comfortable for us to talk, and discuss the plans for when the baby arrives. I’m planning on asking him to be in the room for the delivery, I think it is such an incredible moment in time that he can never get back. Hoping he’ll say yes. Lately I’ve began to see the old A, the way he used to be, sweet, caring, understanding, I’ve been waiting for so long for him to come back, and worried that it would never happen. All I can do is keep praying, and thanking God every time he answers another one of my prayers.

My belly has gotten so big in this last month, even though its been painful and exhausting, I still love every minute of it. His kicks are so powerful now, and I can literally sit for an hour in silence, and just stare at my stomach as my skin jumps up from an arm or a leg, sometimes I can even see his little butt poking up. I cant even remember how it feels to not be pregnant, its been so long since I’ve felt “light”. I will tell you this, I am ready to be able to see my feet, and to be able to actually put my shoes on without making a loud noise. Pregnancy is a beautiful thing, I am so lucky to have had a somewhat easy ride. The beginning was a little rough, being in New York and all, and then the few scares I had around the fifth month, and well the heartburn is still miserable, but seriously, I hear people that go through their entire pregnancy with morning sickness, if that was me, there would be no blogging, I would be a very very angry woman.

Last week I stayed at the ranch, where the baby and I will be moving once he arrives. The Puryear clan all helped me get his room together, cleaning and organizing, setting up the crib, bouncers, etc. I am now in full nesting mode. That is all I can think about these days, I want everything to be perfect. My aunt is an interior designer in Houston, and she has a sense for style, choosing colors, and picking the right fabrics, and she offered to do the baby’s bedding. I can’t wait to see everything completed! We’re looking at four more weeks of this, seriously, it still seems so far away, hoping it will be smooth sailing from here on out…

A Promising Year

It is January 1st, 2010, a sunny day here in Austin, Texas. I am sitting in my bed, listening to John Mayer’s newest album Battle Studies. As I sit here, I begin to think about all of the events that took place in 2009, and am realizing how lucky I am. First, I landed my dream job working for Bobbi Brown in Soho, NY. I worked with an incredible group of people, who kept me going everyday. I had a beautiful friendship with one of my very best friends, Lindsey, who was my rock and lifeline. I got pregnant in May 2009, and have grown into a whole new person, since then. I recently moved back to my home state, Texas, to have my baby, and start my new life. I am learning a lot about who I am, and what it means to be a mother, just by waiting. A far cry from the last entry I wrote, I feel strong and confident, like I am ready to have this baby today, and take on this new adventure. Emotions are so powerful, I have to tell myself “mind over matter” in times like those, and hold my head high.

I remind myself how extraordinary my situation is, and how its really not as bad as it sometimes seems. My little boy is healthy, and growing at an outstanding rate, right now he’s two weeks bigger than he should be. We chalk that up to Daddy, who is a substantial 6 foot 7. I am learning how fortunate I am to have him these days. He has been involved since I stepped foot back on Southern ground. He calls and texts daily, always asking, “How are you feeling?” Personal and sincere. He took me to my last doctors appointment, and it went smoother than I predicted. I was pacing the floor, checking my phone every two seconds to see if he was outside. When he arrived, I walked outside, sweating and breathless; he greeted me with a big hug. This was the first time he’d seen me since we were together in New York. Remember, I am eight months pregnant, cant even see my feet. He smiled and told me how beautiful I looked, I was relived. We got into the car and drove to the doctor. There was no tension in the air, it was peaceful and comforting. When we arrived, he opened my car door, unexpected. We sat in the waiting room, he was quiet at first, and rubbed my belly periodically. He told me how he really wants to work this out, and be here for me and the baby. He repeatedly said how excited he was for his arrival. I was quiet, and let him do most of the talking. Once we got into the exam room, he came over next to me, and listened while the nurse checked for the baby’s heartbeat. I looked up at him and said, “You hear it?” He just nodded. Dr. Seeker walked into the room, and a new form of energy entered with him. He was smiling and happy to see me, like always. He then went right up to A and said, “Welcome A, we are so glad you’re here!” came over to me, hugged me, and sat down next to me. Talked to us about the baby’s rapid growth rate, told us things were going smoothly, and then we got to the ultra sound. A was standing next to me, eyes wide open, still silent. There he was, bigger and more beautiful than the last time, squirming and rolling around inside of me. We got to see his feet close up, they are the cutest little things you have ever seen. I looked over at A and his eyes were misty. I then of course wanted to ball, but kept my composure. Dr. Seeker informed us that since baby is so big, they are going to start monitoring his growth and, checking my cervix every two weeks until my due date, to be sure that I can do this naturally. We finished up at the appointment, and got back into the car. He again shared his excitement with me, and reached over for me hand, and said, “We can do this.” I wanted to shout out to the world, THANK GOD! Instead, I smiled, and looked out the window. Since then I have talked to A just about every day, like I mentioned before, he calls to check on us religiously.

I remember when we walked into the doctor’s office, how I felt walking in with A, and my pregnant belly popping out, I wondered if people looked at us and thought, “what a beautiful couple”, I was hoping yes. I felt complete, and happy, even though we aren’t together and have no plans of this, it still felt good to have him by my side. Finally.

I am looking forward to an exciting year in 2010, full of love and joy…