You have been apart of me for twenty-six weeks now, and I'm starting to feel like this is all really happening. Your baby shower is all planned, I'm signed up for birthing classes, and I'm even planning your first outfit that you'll wear. I'm ready to hold you and look into your eyes, and tell you how much I love you. The other day we had a little scare with you..the doctors told me that there may be something wrong with your little heart, and that they wanted me to do an Amniocentesis in order to determine the problem. Dr. Easterlin, a new doctor I have been seeing, told me that they saw a white spot in your heart that they were concerned about, she told me it could be one of two things. In the best case, you had a small calcium build up, that is totally normal and would go away after birth. The second one was much scarier, and had mommy very confused. Dr. Easterlin informed me that babies that have Down Syndrome, also have the same white spot in their heart. She was very short and to the point, I felt hopeless and terrified. I was balling in her office, and she just looked at me, with no answers to my questions. I had a small panic attack, and tried to collect myself and my thoughts. The Amnio had major side effects that I wasn't willing to risk, so I choose not to take that route. My second option was to do an EFI Scan, which checks the heart in close detail, this option had no side effects, so naturally I went with this. I scheduled an appointment for the scan, and tried to keep my composure. I told both of my moms, Jame' and Jennifer, and my Uncle David, I didn't want too many people to know, because I was scared and didn't feel like getting probed by a million people with questions that I can't answer, like: Well what are you going to do?! Really? I have NO idea, I'm freaking out, I'm going to do what the doctors tell me to do. I didn't sleep for four days. On the day of the appointment, Uncle D and I went back to Dr. Fanz at St. Vincent's Med Center. He first did a fetal growth scan, and the results for that were beautiful, we got to see you in 4-D, and like every time I see you on the screen, I am blown away by the sight of you, and how perfect you are. You're face has filled out, nice and plump just like mommy was as a baby, and you have hair! They told me that you are growing fast, and they predict you to be super tall just like your daddy.
Then came the EFI Scan, I wasn't ready, my hands were shaking, my heart was pounding, and I could feel a layer of cold sweat covering my body. The sonogram started, and right away he zoomed in on your heart, not even five seconds later he looked at me and Uncle D, smiled and said, "Perfect heart, nothing wrong with this baby." We looked at each other, raised our eyebrows, shrugged our shoulders, and looked back at Dr. Fanz. He was already back to the 4-D pictures, telling us to get out our phones and snap some shots of them for a keep sake. We both asked him nervously, so there's no white spot? He's fine?? "He's beautiful, nothing to worry about." Ok, great! Amazing!!!! That's it? My baby's fine?? Ok. So, Doctor, it was probably just a calcium deposit right? Right, he's fine Ms. Puryear seriously, you have nothing to worry about. Ok, ok....thank you! I wiped the jelly from the sonogram off of my round belly, grabbed my things and walked out. Pfew!!!!!! I could breathe and sleep again! My world had stopped for a few days, I was mentally preparing to deal with the idea of having a child with DS. I'm strong, but not that strong. I guess if that was the case, I would deal with it, and of course love him unconditionally, but I didn't know how to feel or what to do, all I knew was to keep telling you that I loved you, and that no matter what happened, we were going to be ok.
I was right, we are fine, we are better than fine, were perfect, you are safe and sound just swimming around inside of me, what a great life you have. We have three more months until your big debut, and what a party that will be! Can't wait to meet you little one.
Love,
Mommy
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