Looking back..

My belly's getting so much bigger now, people are coming up and rubbing it, even total strangers! This doesn't bother me, truthfully, I love the attention. My little guy is happy, swimming around inside of me, and he's kicking a lot more these days, especially at night when I'm just about to fall asleep. Lindsey bought him the book, "Love You Forever", a book about a mother and son's love for each other, and I’ve been reading it to him at night before I go to bed. I also read that you should play music for your baby, the books recommend Mozart, I choose George Strait. Women are constantly asking me, "When are you due? What are you having?" It becomes more real to me each time that I answer them. I think back to before, when I was single and had nothing to be responsible for except my career and bills, when I thought my life was so rough, and I laugh. When I pictured me as a mother, I didn't picture this. I saw myself married, to a sweet southern man with a big shiny rock on my hand, a smokin’ bod, and a joint income to support our new baby. As you know, there is none of that going on. I am surprisingly ok with this. It took me a while to get there, but with the grace of God, my friends and family, I'm doing it. Its weird how you can paint a picture of your perfect life, and as humans we expect the universe to give that to us. I've got news for you, that's never the case. Its not to say, don't dream, don't have plans and goals, I am all for that, and wouldn't be where I am today if I hadn't wished and hoped for all of the fortunes I have acquired. However, I do know that God’s plan for me is much bigger than anything I could dream of, and I trust that he has this under control. After A and I had sex, I took "Plan B", also known as, "The Morning After Pill", which prevents the union of the sperm and the egg, obviously not in my case. The pill is only seventy percent accurate, one in four women can still become pregnant even after taking it. A and I dated for four years, and had plenty of intercourse during that time, I never once had a scare, nor did I with previous boyfriends. My point is, this was meant to happen, God's ready for me to take on this new responsibility, and he wouldn't have given it to me if he didn't think I could handle it.

So here I am sitting in the entry way of my apartment enjoying a glass of Pinot Noir and some chocolate. I had an extremely long and busy day at work today, so I thought I could treat myself. My doctor says its okay to have once or twice a week. Alcohol is something I miss the most during my pregnancy. I used to smoke, I don’t miss it at all, I just really crave my glasses of wine. I used to have at least, a glass a night before, and on the weekends, forget it, I’d have a bottle, and then go out to the bar and have more! I am twenty-two, single, and I live in New York City. I miss going out in the city with my friends, getting a little too tipsy and stumbling around the streets of the East Side. I miss the wild 3AM nights Lindsey and I used to have. I sometimes think we had more fun here than we did in college. There are no limits on things here, bars stay open til the sun comes up, for me, going out was the best part about this town! I remember one night Lindsey and I were at Brother Jimmy’s, our neighborhood bar, we had foolishly started the night off at our apartment, with my best friend, vodka. Things were bound to get out of control. We walked to the end of the block, we were wrapped up in cashmere sweaters, paired with our big puffy winter coats, it was a cold brisk night, I think it was snowing. I always placed the order at the bar, L is first of all, almost too short to reach the bar, and mumbles so bad that you can never understand her. So, I get up to the bar, and before I can spit out the order I am approached by a tall, lumberjack looking man with pretty green eyes, and a scruffy light brown beard. He was wearing a plaid button down flannel shirt, and a khaki corduroy jacket. A mountain man, I thought. Maybe it’s the vodka talking folks…but I was very interested in this one. I look over at Lindsey, and give her a wink (which I was always made fun of for, she says I look like I’m giving the death stare, and that its not sexy-I disagree). She rolls her eyes and signals me to hurry up. Rude! I’m trying to run some game here Lindsey! He introduces himself with a firm handshake, “Owen, and you?” Ahh dreamy….Owen. “I’m……Houston” “No, what is your name?“ “Houston is my name.” Most people think I’m either telling them where I’m from, or that I’m trying to be funny. Damn northerners, always trying to make things more complicated than they have to be. Houston is my name, yes I’m from Texas, Austin to be exact, and I know you think that’s so hilarious, can we move on? I’d like a drink please. He got a few laughs out and then got me a beer, and L a vodka soda. I decided I should stay away from the vodka for the rest of the night, so I could keep my shit together with this one. We all go and get a table together, we have small talk, dance a little, and before I know it, Owen and L are at the bar ordering freaking shots! Three hours later, we decided we should continue this party at our ever so spacious 6th floor walk up apartment, Owen was easily convinced. All three of us walk back to 236 East 77th St, and climb the stairs, get inside and pour more bevs. My stomach started to turn, I went into the bathroom to check my hair and make up, and L was already getting into her pj’s, typical party pooper. There we were squished together on our tiny brown velvet couch that we bought for 145.00 at Housing Works down the street, watching Wedding Crashers, when all of a sudden I felt a wave of nausea, I quickly got up and walked ten steps to our extremely small and close to the living room bathroom, where I became violently ill. I turned the water on in the sink in hopes of drowning out the sound of me vomiting. I tried to flush but of course with my luck, it wont. I rinsed my mouth out, and walked out, leaving the vomit lingering in the toilet. It was bright pink, I’m guessing from the shots they were ordering before. I walked out in confidence (still drunk) and sat back down next to him, I’m sure he thought, wow I just heard you puking, and now you really smell. L looked at me, and I gave her a stare saying, “holy shit, I just puked!” I went in our bedroom to change and when I came out, Owen was no longer on the couch. I asked Lindsey where he went, she said, “he’s just peeing, chill out!” OH MY GOD. Before I could explain to L what had just happened, he came out of the bathroom, he said, “wow, nice job in there H-Town.” Really? Is this really happening to me? Lindsey jumped up, and was laughing her way to the bathroom, she came out and just shook her at me. I laughed nervously, and my face turned bright red. I apologized and explained that I don’t really do vodka that well, his response? “Don’t even worry, I helped you out, tried to get it with my pee.” Um excuse me? I laughed again, and thought to myself is this guy kidding? He is still here talking to me, I was expecting him to run out the door as soon as he saw it. Anyways, Lindsey went to bed, Owen and I stayed up watching the movie, and after a while things started to heat up. Nothing serious, we were just having good old fashion make out session. (Yes this guy was kissing a girl who just completely lost her super, and witnessed the evidence) I was ready to go to bed, and told him that. He explained to me that he was staying “all the way on the Upper West Side” and didn’t feel like cab-ing it cross-town. For some reason, I agreed to let him stay, gave him a pillow and blanket for the couch, and I then crawled into my bed, with Lindsey of course. Ten minutes later, he opens the door and hops in bed with us, fully clothed. L’s passed out, and I am extremely drunk and exhausted. Did he really think something was going to happen between us? First of all, you just met me buddy, second, we are sharing the bed with my roommate! Sorry, no thanks. We somehow passed out all squished together in our queen size bed. The next morning was just as interesting, I woke up in between Owen and Lindsey, they were having a full on conversation with each other, I quickly realize how embarrassed I am from getting sick, and say something under my breath to L about it, O hears and makes a joke that he saw it this morning, and it had gotten worse. Great, that’s wonderful. I wanted him out! I asked him if he wanted me to call him a cab, he told me he was excited to walk through the snow back to his friends apartment. This is the guy that told me he didn’t feel like cabbing it “all the way” across town last night…Really? Another interesting night on the town with Houston and Lindsey, always memorable.

Clearly, I am no longer living the life I used to live pre-baby, I now have my priorities more in line, not completely, but definitely more so than before. My life changed all in one instant, I love the new me, I am, for the most part, happy, even when my feet are throbbing, my back is aching, and I am so tired I can barley stand, I have a new man to give my heart to, and he’s the one that really matters.